Numb

What does a fag sound like? Flamboyant? Is there a certain cutoff for the level of exuberance of a voice of a straight man and that of a gay man? Does he excessively use words like ‘glitter’ and ‘fabulous’? Does he talk about Ke$ha and Britney Spears and Nicki Minaj?

What does a fag look like? How does he dress? In skinny jeans? V-neck shirts? How does he sit? With his legs crossed? What expression does he wear? One of glee? One of emptiness, eyes half open in a perpetual state of depression? Does he have scars on his wrists? Rope burns around his neck? Does he hold his books on one side of his chest? Is his hair in a fohawk, a mohawk, down to his shoulders? Does he have blond highlights? Does he use excessive hand gestures?

I can’t help but think about it and about the man who asked me if I was a “fag,” said I looked like one, said I sounded like one, said I sat like one, and said he didn’t like them, “fags.” I can’t stop thinking about it, not because it was horrible or because it affected me so drastically, but because it’s the first instance of a verbalized reception of my homosexuality by the general public, and I see it as only a hint of what I could potentially face any day I walk down the street after graduation in New York City.

What stands out most to me, however, is not the incident itself; it’s the reaction I got from others afterward. I never expected pity or sympathy; I expected disgust. And I did received it from several people. These people, however, with the exception of one friend, were between the ages of thirty and fifty-five. They stated that they “can’t stop thinking about what that guy said” and they “can’t believe it.” Our generation, in general, doesn’t seem to think anything of instances like this. “Shit happens,” we college students(yes, myself included) say while our parents’ generation is, from my experience, repeatedly appalled. I’ve been pondering over this for some time now and I’ve come to a few possible conclusions:

1.)    The generation before us thinks better of us and of this time of extreme national movement from traditional approach to marriage, family, and lifestyle than they should. They expect heterosexism(and racism, sexism, and other forms of discrimination) to have lost its place in society with the more liberal and accepting education and upbringing we have experienced.

2.)    We’ve become numb to it; a teen suicide caused by anti-bullying has become as typical and disconcerting as a New York City mugging, and we simply accept that change is coming(as it very well is) without any concern about lingering opposition.

And:

3.)    Contrary to what most would have us believe, we’re becoming more accepting of it. We expect these things to be happening and, because of this, don’t feel there’s much we can do or need to be doing.

My best guess is that 2 is most responsible. We have become numb; I realized this the moment the man gave up trying to get a rise out of me at O'Hare and I continued reading without giving it another thought until hours later. If this holds true and if even allies feel that there isn't significant reason to outwardly advocate for an end to these acts of discrimination, the supposedly inevitable acceptance and equality of LGBT people in general and of other American minorities may not be quite as inevitable as we are led to believe.