Impressions

First impressions are so simply set. Within an hour or less, someone may claim to know what kind of a person you are. That impression likely impacts their future interpretations of your actions far into the future, likely for as long as they now you. If you meet someone under poor circumstances, they will likely have a poor impression of you and therefore see you only at a poorer state. This isn't always true of course, but, for the most part, I see it as a well-established fact.

I recently looked through my profile pictures and found a conversation in the comments on one about how stubborn I was because I refused to embrace changes in fashion. Apparently I needed help with my style as well as with my music taste. (I can note here, though, that my fashion sense has only moved further from what was apparently intended--I might have deliberately made sure this was so just to be begrudging--and I look damn good enough by the average person's standards. And no one can say one word against the songs of Kelly Clarkson and Maroon 5.)

So, I used to be a fairly stubborn person, insisting that I was right, ignoring the fact that I was wrong, or... purposefully having poor fashion at all costs. I wouldn't say "sorry," ever really, because I wouldn't accept that I had something to be sorry about. But, I'm fully capable and willing now. When I'm having a discussion, debate, or conflict with someone, I pride myself on my deliberateness in interpreting the other person's point and establishing an opinion on it--apologizing, addressing a previously stated falsity or offensive remark, or further clarifying my stance or point. Sounds complicated, huh? Lots o' steps and a whole lot o' thought, right? Nope. Not really. It's simply a matter of thinking about your words before stating them.

People can speak without thinking and not be criticized for it. However, the more I think about it, the more I'm bothered by he instincts that I've seen from other people in an argument. I have two friends who got in a conflict over the topic of racism. One stated quite simply that "race is a social construct, not a biological difference," stating that racism only exists on the basis of differing ethnicities/cultures, intolerance of difference, and urge to oppress rather than be oppressed. In response to this comment, my other friend respond with another simply statement, something along the lines of: "You need to shut the fuck up; I'm gonna slit your fuckin' throat."

These are the reasons I've learned to own up to my own mistakes or negative effects on others. Very rarely does someone intend to be malicious toward anyone. And even a comment like the aforementioned hostile threat may not have been remotely intentional malice. However, everyone has made an offensive comment or implication. It's why when I hear someone speak negatively about another person, I truly try to never let it affect my own opinion of the person--not just because I want to develop my own opinion of them but also because nearly everyone in the world has a "hater"... No one's perfect, and everyone's made at least one poor impression, maybe hundreds of poor impressions. Nearly everyone has given at least one person a reason to not be befriended, whether he/she was proven to have sexually assaulted someone or if they simply made a comment that had some personal level of personal offensiveness to one single person. There's always a reason to hold a grudge against someone if you search hard enough. And, I'm told this is one of my biggest problems, something I'm repeatedly criticized for whenever it comes up: I don't hold grudges.

Whether they spread bogus rumors about me to their friends or threatened to slit my throat or my friend's throat, I make sure my defensive reaction is always short-term. Long-term, I forget about it entirely. What does it matter? Everyone has a bad day now and then and says something they don't mean or has an offensive opinion about something. But, despite all that I've heard from people on this matter, I stand by my opinion that people change.